DO YOU WANT US TO PLAY YOUR PARTY?

So, I’m sitting here on a sunny Monday morning wondering how to get to the point. John Young, my oldest Enemy (the feud goes back decades), has just told me I should write a little missive on the subject of private parties.

So, here goes:

Do you live in some remote corner of the universe starved of culture and friendliness?

Do you want my Enemies all to yourself without the annoying adoration and chatter of strangers in your ears?

Do you need an excuse to throw a party?

Well, perhaps you should consider inviting us to perform in your house, or in your garage, or in your Jacuzzi.

We are very portable. I recently discovered that Kevin Cordt (the largest and most popular member of the band) can actually fit into my gig bag! I use a combination of origami and the Heimlich maneuver.

Of course, there are many variables depending on calendar, location and currency. We travel in all kinds of combos. After the recent operation it’s even possible for me to leave town on my own without any Enemies whatsoever.

Solo, duo, trio, quartet, quintet, sextet, or the full septet! It’s your choice. Send an e-mail directly to me at spode@spottiswoode.com and whatever happens I’ll make sure that only a tiny fraction of your money ends up in the hands of my unfortunate bandmates. My own Swiss bank account number will be divulged at the appropriate moment.

Oh, and I mustn’t forget, we can even show up with a sound system if that is deemed necessary! You thought we were simply artists and dilettantes? No no no. The Spottiswoode machine is lubed up and ready to roll.

Yes, we’ve played Lincoln Center. But, more than likely, we haven’t played your house. What’s up with that?

Honestly, some of our most enjoyable and magical evenings have been at house parties that we’ve performed. It’s a fine tradition going back to the troubadours and beyond. Don’t be shy. Keep the tradition alive.

Drop a line to spode@spottiswoode.com We’ll figure something out…